Serenity - the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.
"what does your tattoo mean?"
“why did you get a song lyric as your tattoo?”
“are you that obsessed with Demi that you’d get her tattoo?”
I don’t think any tattoo will ever mean as much to me as this one. I don’t think I ever had an “easy life” or “perfect family” from having such bad memories with my step dad; emotional, verbal and physical abuse. To coping with not eating to taking it out on myself in more ways than imaginable. To the scars I have to see everyday on my arms. To the constant meltdowns because of my step father. To all the pain he’s brought upon my mom, brother and I. To having to stay at a domestic violence shelter this past summer. To having to be observed in a mental hospital for 24 hours because of the constant meltdowns and depression. To slowly recovering with outpatient treatment. To all the things I’ve gone through the past 17 years.
"I’m a survivor, in more ways than you know"
Finally took my tiki necklace off, and its not going on anymore. I’m tired of living in the past. After 2 years of wearing that necklace. I’m done. I’m officially moved on from you. The last piece of you I had left is gone. For good.
Things are different now. Completely different. I see you, and I just don’t know who you are anymore. I used to know you so well. But now its like I learn something different everyday. I know it seems like a million years ago that we were together. You’re over it, and maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. It probably doesn’t and thats okay. I’ve learn a lot of things in the past year. You’ve made me so much stronger. You’ve broken me down so much. But I’m still here. I was really sad about it for months. The worst kind of sad. The kind where you know that theres nothing you can do about the situation. We would walk right past eachother like nothing. Nobody would ever guess that at one point we were completely inlove with eachother. I’d always ask myself how you could ignore me after everything we’ve been through. But day by day, I’d cry less. I wouldnt think about you as much, and day by day, you’d become more and more of my past. I dont think you’ll ever grasp how much you meant to me. You were the first guy I trusted completely, and gave my all to, and I don’t let people in that easy. You were always somehow there. I fell so hard for you. But I’ve learned to get up. A couple months ago, i’d still drop anything for you. But now its just not like that. Its not about you anymore. I hope you have a nice life. And I hope one day we can be friends again. And lastly, I hope you dont forget the good days you had with me.
I know we never really dated, and all. But at one point you were mine. Even if you werent. I want to cry so hard whenever i see a picture of us. Theres so many. I dont have the guts to delete them. Theyre all still on my ipod. Our relationship was so different. And thats what I liked about it. We were never really a couple, but we acted like one in the strangest way. You made me happy. Really goddamn happy. But you hurt me in so many ways too. You brought me up, then pushed me back down. You brushed me off as if i meant shit to you. I still remember that day that i ran all the way to the tracks in the rain, just to talk to you because you were mad. But you were only mad because youcared.But then all you did was break me. All those things you said. Theyre still in the back of my head. Dont you realize that everything I said this summer i meant? Ever since April I was nothing but faithful to you. Maybe I should have trusted you more. But maybe you couldve been less of an asshole than you were. We were like fire and gasoline. But at the same time, you made me so happy. And yeah, I decided to end it. But at the same time i didnt want to. But i Knwow that its for the best. Because the second time around, after the big fight, all you did was hurt me. Have a nice life..